I remember the first time I went to Fei Yin, we brought 3 full parties along. The worst part was I had to set up those 3 full parties, asking for help from people, both from the States and Japan; having to juggle the time zone difference, people were getting impatient and stuffs as such. But I was really happy that I managed that part, though. Thanks to the friends who were willing to help out, waited patiently for the members to come and make sure they are will to help and sorts. Of course, the reason I wanted to go to Fei Yin back then was to get my Warlock's Chapeau! If I am not mistaken, we fought twice because while I was seeking for help for myself, I had someone who needed the same help herself. Oh well, we did fine, no one died! The other part was to help out the stranger whitemage to get a Healer's Briault. It was fun ¡V setting up 3 full members parties, reached our destination and most importantly, go what we wanted; and oh! Perhaps most importantly, no one died! *grins*

Maybe nobody ever cares anymore but I am really grateful to friends like Shikimaru, Seether, Seila, Aldeel and maybe some whose names I failed to recall who used to help me out so much! Especially Aldeel who stood by Lexie 4 out of 5 of her artifact armors! *smiles*

Last Saturday night, I returned to Fei Yin for the same reason; only this time it is for my Healer's Briault. Thank you to the linkshell members of Alliance of Saintz II who are willing to help me out!!! They are Sandao, Yoshizz, Keeve, Shadowmaru and Orchard. Especially Sandao who was so helpful to come online to help out his LS folks even though he was in the midst of studying for his exams, which is around the corner ¡V 2^nd of May. Good luck to you Daodaoooooooo! *cheers*

I know as compared to the first time we had to go to Fei Yin for artifacts or even anyone of our first times, goodness gracious, we were such n00bs really! LOL. But, I guess those were the fun days and whatever good and bad, dick and tracy stuffs, we have been through them. Some loved the experiences, some hated it. Oh well. I believe it is all part of the fun of the game, really. I personally have not done enough 'big kills' or 'cool stuffs' and I know I have said this a lot of times now but this is probably the only game I will ever be hooked on to, for a very long time; if not for the game, it will be for my adorable pals and of course my very adorable Lexie.

I need to start reflecting on myself and the things I do, the things I need to do, the things I want and my thoughts. I have been feeling a strong urge in me, like a warning, like I have reached the skirts of my boundaries that I have to get something done. And stop worrying, of course. Start doing something which I need to do for myself and my future, and stop worrying about things in my family which I do not have much control over but just being a better person. To be a stronger person.

People often tell me that some people just is hopeless, they will not change no matter what. Even if they say they will, they will not; because eventually go back to who they are. I never believed those words. I refused to because deep down inside me, I always believed in people to turn a new leaf. They tell me when you believe too long and always giving chances, you will lose the confidence eventually; because they just will not change. I never believed that until tonight. I think I finally do.

A long time now since I got up past noon! I got up at 1.30p.m. today ^^; I did not feel very good as I got a shocked when I saw the clock. In a way, I was happy because my Mom was so kind to spare me a free day at work today; it is supposed to be a public holiday but her company did not apply for this day or something like that, I am not sure.

I bought a new Stitch 'N Bitch copy today! It is called Stitch 'N Bitch : The Happy Hooker by Debbie Stoller.

Ever since I started doing more crafty work, like knitting and cross stitching, I start to like needle works more and more! I get as excited as I discover more and more patterns and things one could make with their hands and some equipments and fabrics or strings. So I thought to myself, instead of learning which ever pattern I want to make at the shop, I might as well get a book to study on my own. I found the Stitch ¡¥N Bitch copies are really good; they are easy to understand and the instructions are pretty decent, the best part is I like how Stoller writes. I like how she makes it sound like as though she is talking from the book in front of you, giving you instructions and stuffs.

The later part of my day ¡V I spent it hunting for a coffer key in Eldieme Necropolis for two linkshell members ¡V in Final Fantasy Xi of course. I was looking forward to leveling my whitemage but since Phanty thought a Paladin will not be good for the party, after waiting for a long time for the away-from-keyboard-but-seeking-for-a-party Warriors, we decided to just help with keys. I had my little fun though. But this does not mean that key hunting ceased to drive me half insane. I believe a lot of us do, whoever who has experienced the same thing I mentioned earlier.

I guess I am going to bed now! Nitey-nite~

Shikimaru, the male taru, the fierce one, the active and never stop moving, his wants and drives hardly ever dry up, the fat one, too. Lex, the female taru, the lazy one, the slow one, the boring one, the medium one. Shikimaru and Lex started out together in Final Fantasy Xi. Shiki left the game early of 2005, finally. Lex stayed up to this day. But now, there has been some alteration ¡V a new plan. Shikimaru is back, but as Lex. Shiki will be playing with Lex, leveling or fun/cool stuffs. Lex is going to be acting different every now and then; lazy and not, fun and not, etc.

I am happy that Shiki will be playing as Lex; at least he will not have to re-level a whole new character, doing all the quests and missions.

Seeing Shiki back in the game, I feel slightly more motivated to playing again. At least when Lex gets invited to a party, I will not have to run to the leveling place *grins.* Because Shiki would be there as Lex with the party members, already. I can take over every now and then, when Shiki needs a break or so *grins.*

At least Lex¡¦s virtual hubby need not keep asking, ¡§Lex, you do not want to do anything?¡¨ or, ¡§Hmm, you do not want to try anything?¡¨, or, sometimes just sit there at Lower Jeuno with me, without asking me anything, but just sit there with me sweetly, chatting; not bothering to ask my fat lazy taru ass to move *giggles.*

All in all, I am really happy I have been in the game, meeting the friends I met. Thanks for the experiences and memories guys! I have yet to forget anyone or just how it felt to be whenever I recall of some things which have happen in the game for me.

It is virtual, but with no realism, I doubt creativity and any imagination could come true. Not to forget, one sweet imagination.

It is 5 minutes to 4a.m.; I still cannot fall asleep, though I have been trying since 1.30a.m. Ever since the first attempt to inactive and idle so to fall asleep, my mind has been opposing to what I wish to do ¡V to fall asleep.

I have not played my piano since the last time I coached Malcolm with it the last early of September 2005. He intended to play for this special girl, whom was special for him back then, on her birthday. But I suppose he finally thought it was a hassle to finding a place, with a piano of course, and to bring her to the place; hence he gave up learning. Anyway, that was probably the last when I played anything.

My mind tells me that I want to be playing Sonata in A, K 330/300i by Mozart right now. My heart races with the idea and would never kindly let me rest. My fingers are already mimicking the motions of the notes of the piece, which I used to practice half the day. The reason why I would play the piece again and again, section by section is because I was already memorizing the piece. I believe a piece can only be better expressed when one can play it by heart. When one can remember by heart, your heart will lead the motions onto your fingertip, eventually and wala! Hear the music rhyme!

Of course in reality, I am suffering a little bit right now since my mind and my heart both refuse to let me rest and sleep. I put on a Sonata CD by Mozart, I thought I could hear it to fall asleep; like most people, they call these sleepy music. But I guess it is not for me and naturally does not work that way for me ¡V make me sleepy. *sighs*.

So, Sandra, listen to this, and remember only this. It is too late to think about playing the piano right now as you will not want to wake your Mom and Siti up. Not only will you wake them up, you might scare them too.

But it is so hard to not think about it when you yearn for it so much!

No, Sandra, it's all in your mind! You got to think of what you can do now! Think right! Act right!

I have been trying to do that and what else do you think I want more now?! To sleep dammit!

. . .sleep then. Sleep. Sleep. SLEEP!

Oh shut up.

Jaya said something to me yesterday which went like "You know how to play the piano right?", and I said, "Yes, I do." Then she asked which level I'm at, so I said, "I stopped at Grade 7." Then she asked was Grade 7 the highest and I said, "Nope, Grade 8." Then she exclaimed and asked why I don't complete it, since I'm only 1 grade away from it! Then perhaps I could teach after that and she said happily, "You can make good money you know!!! Waaaaa". We both laughed out loud after that. That short chatter made me recall what I promised myself to do back then before I stopped at Grade 7. My reason for the stop was because I was entering first year of university, and my teacher told me doing Grade 8, I will need extra discipline and time, which might be too hard for me since it's the start of my university; because it is important that I pay sufficient attention and time into my studies as well. There, we both decided it's probably a good choice to hold the lessons till I'm ready and had more time flexibility.

Actually after my Mom disapproved of my choice to making Music as my career, I was as dried as any dried thing could be, and so disheartened my world felt like it fell apart and will always stay that way. But then after a while, I kept my hopes and dreams in me. I attended a couple of repertoire classes while doing voluntary services at the spastic school; up till the time when my schedule became too much for me to do any of those.  

I am really happy with my short but meaningful experiences I got from the classes and the spastic school. It was a kind of motivation and inspiration for me to be a better person and never, never forget to count your blessings. Of course never, never misuse your blessings, instead, you got to use them in a right way, do the right things, share them with people and let them know that there always is a way out, no matter what. The light is there, maybe we just over looked it, but hey, it really IS there ^_^

Then I thought about my Mandarin and Japanese languages skills. I have been learning Mandarin bit by bit whenever there's time and I still cannot read a novel. I have not attempted newspaper but I doubt I can really. I will probably go "Ah Bu X Ah Bee X X Ah Soh" (-_-);

I started learning Japanese since December 2004 until December 2005; I got from Beginner 1 to Intermediate 3; passed and gotten my certificate for Japanese Language Proficiency Test 2005, Level 3. I think I call it some little achievement, in my little ways, I am happy. I really am. But, I still could not read a novel, not to speak of newspaper really. I just do not know what my damn problem is that I never seem to be at some where. I am always on a hanger; always on a damn hanger. I think I am just stupid; hence I should not try too hard, because no matter what, I am just going to be like this.

I have just spoke of motivation and inspiration and never giving up but right now, I cannot feel that sane. I am not happy. Not too unhappy but just a little. Just need a little cool off and think of what to do next so that I could get somewhere. I hate being this way that I know some things but I do not know enough to share with the rests. I want to share my knowledge to people out there who are interested in the same things. Dammit.

Last night I attempted to write an entry but I did not, no, more like I can't because the line just could not connect. I wonder why. If this happens a year ago or more, I would have definitely gotten really impatient and restless. But last night was alright, I did not whine nor curse, did not feel twitchy; instead I watched some shows, read and finally went to bed.

If there was a connection last night, I would have wanted to write about what my cravings were, for yesterday of course. But I think I am going to do the same for tonight anyway. Besides, I have been missing some food and desserts, some which I have not tasted in a while.

Desserts craved

1. Snickers chocolate bar. (Had it today! ^_^)
2. Chocolate brownie with ice cream at Secret Recipe, vanilla ice cream specifically.
3. Apple pie with ice cream, vanilla, too.
4. Blueberry walnut pie....

Food craved

1. I don't know the name but it has luncheon meat cutlets, potato cutlets, green peas, onion and it tastes so good and simply so good with bread!
2. Caesar salad.
3. Shanghai dumplings.

Ok, at least I managed to get Khai to buy for me Snickers today *grins*. I did not want to eat it again because I remember how super sweet it is but I somehow just wanted to taste that extremely sweet caramel and nice peanut part again *giggles*. So, now I've had it, that'll probably last me a long long time.

Besides working, I have been doing some needle work. So lately, I have been cross-stitching and I have finally completed it today! Since what I have left the day before was just backstitching (the outlines, in other words). Hurray! New pillow case! *claps joyfully*.

Since my Mom thought that my dark brown yarn colour was too dark to match with my baby yellow yarn colour, I decided to put my cubey pattern muffler on hold while I started another sewing project ¡V a cross stitch. The cross stitch is as good as done but there is a rarity I'm finishing up with this time, which is, doing full backstitches. I usually backstitch some areas only but this time, I thought this one needs full backstitches to complement the picture, so, there. I am intending to make a pillow case and I can hardly wait as I have already had the pattern of the pillow case ready all in my head! Yey!

How long has it been now since I have been working? Say 1 month plus? I do like it, in some ways, but really, when you know better of the politics that is running in the business and those monkey business, gosh. I just cannot like it. But I am still me, unmoved and undisturbed. Just thought it is truly a waste of time and a waste of many other things of how people can be such nuisance.

I have not written for some time; let me try sharing something of last week's. I think I managed to finish two sets of Japanese dramas; Beautiful Life and Orange Days. Well, these are pretty backdated dramas, really, but what a shame I did not appreciate them when they were released. Anyway, if I watched any last time I probably would not appreciate them as much as I do right now.

I was warned to not watch Beautiful Life as I might cry because it can be really moving. Surprisingly, I did not cry even though I recall having sobbed a bit. I was moved by the motivation and belief that life can still be beautiful at the worst of times. Well, what is worst really is a very subjective thing.

Synopsis :

Kyoko, a young woman with an unhindered spirit despite being physically bound to a wheelchair due to illness, and Shuji, a stylish and popular fashion magazine hairstylist, are brought together in a fateful traffic incident. Despite their confrontational meeting, they soon find themselves falling in love, with Shuji drawn to her courage and enthusiasm and Kyoko attracted to his ability to look beyond her physical limitations and into her heart. However, Kyoko's protective older brother and her worsening condition begin to test the bounds of their love for each other and threaten to end their beautiful life together. (http://www.jdorama.com/drama.36.htm)

Right, so there, according to the synopsis, Kyoko and Shuji fell in love for one another, there's no twist in that. They both are not attracted by their looks only but as well as their mental and spirits. The only disaster which came in between them was Kyoko's illness. Kyoko's brother, Masao, is really protective of Kyoko. I guess being a caring brother it is natural he feels protective of Kyoko, so for Kyoko to not be harmed or feelings and emotions being trifled. As annoying as Masao can be at times, he can be a little funny because of his silliness and breakdown of being a gentleman, in my opinion. However, that does not stop Sachi, Kyoko's best friend from being attracted to him, because of his honesty.

I personally did not feel too sad of the ending; I was not overwhelmed yet not disappointed. But there are things I thought of, portrayed in the drama that even being in the darkest of times, there still can be light. It is how we reach out to it or sometimes for it to reach us voluntarily. Even having to be physically bound in a wheelchair, Kyoko did not want to live like as though the world owed her a lot. She still wants to be independent; like driving to work. She refuses to be treated especially just because she was ill. Kyoko is really strong. She's always enthusiastic of things and still rebellious in little ways.

Shuji's an uprising hair stylist, who finally earns a chance to blossom his career. Even so, he chose to lead a normal life just to be with Kyoko. Kyoko, of course did not want him to do that for her! At some point, Shuji seemed to get really tired of having to put up with Kyoko's complaints due to her inferiority complexes. He seemed very confused and dubious of his position and what does he want for himself and for Kyoko and him. I admire his courage to go along with his heart to be with Kyoko despite her slacken perimeters and do not care or make any boundaries or limitation which existed to surface between them.

All in all, I enjoyed the drama but I think I enjoyed Orange Days better! *grins*. I did not know I could have written this much even though I did not intent so. I am just going to leave my personal review of Orange Days till the next time.

I did not write for a week now! Ok, at least a simple wrapping up. Here goes...

We were at Ah Ma's home for her 90^th birthday dinner on Tuesday. Thank goodness for her health and her well being and how she is still so alert even at 90 years old! Even though her hearing is not as well, but still! I like looking at Ah Ma, seeing how she is so graceful. Like how I liked to look at my Dad and my old Aunties and Uncles. *grins* They never fail to make me feel a kind of calmness and serenity.

Went for passport renewal on Wednesday and had to wait for 2 hours before our turn. During the waiting period, it was rather....hard to not get impatient but thinking about it now, it was not as bad as it seemed, back then.

Saturday, Mom and I were at Dr. Ting's Skin Specialist Centre as early as 8 A.M. and there they were 8 people or more waiting for entry. Er...I heard from one that she got there at 7.30 A.M., that's why when two other women queued ahead of her, she got really angry. They were close to fighting! Once the centre has been opened, by 8.30 A.M., they were 20 over patients waiting for their turns to see Dr. Ting. We waited for an hour and more before Dr. Ting could see us. That was considered a short-wait!

I slept for whole of Saturday afternoon...I mean, yeah, after I got home say about 11 A.M., I started sleeping until 2 P.M. Got up for a while, ate an egg sandwich Mom prepared and went back to sleep again, up till 4ish. Finally got up to get ready for dinner.

Saturday evening, we had dinner at a vegetarian restaurant to throw Ah Ma another party. I'd say it was more like a gathering for the elders and the younger ones like Ian and me. Soon we stopped talking and started reading a bit. I had a nice time, simple and nice.

Sunday morning. Had to get up extra early this morning as we had to pray for qing ming. So after buying the stuffs we needed and gobbled our breakfasts, we left for Nirvana Memorial Park. They were tons of beings there! Thank goodness the weather has been friendly and helpful, it wasn't soaking hot and you feel like fainting every minute or two.

Once done, we went for lunch and headed home. The lazy me, bathe and went to bed of course. My afternoon nap that is! 3 hours later, I got up, refreshed myself and went to pray again at the lowest parking bay. Took a bath again, ate dinner, watched SMAP X SMAP Special Edition, laughed my ass out, knitted a little, and updating a weekend entry right now.

Malcolm was at his breakdancing again today and fell and hit his head. After that, his vision was blurry and couldn't drive, so Melvin had to send him to the hospital. Now Malcolm's in the hospital because he's got a fractured skull and concussion under observation. I am feeling really worried but I am not a doctor, I cannot do much. I just hope tomorrow he'll be alright, everything will be alright. (-/\-) *prays*